Today I went to church. God answered yes. It's a big praise and I'm happy.
I'm getting my hopes up again but I do hope that this means I will be able to go next week too. I know I can't judge how I'm going to feel from week to week but this might mean dialysis is helping a little bit and I am on an upswing in my health. That also might mean that I'm getting a little stronger and might mean that I'll be able to switch to home dialysis soon and that might mean getting even stronger and being able to handle the transplant surgery better.
Of course, that's all speculation right now but that's how I have to live my life. I don't know how I'm going to feel from one moment to the next so a lot of my plans, even basic ones like going to church, involve a lot of guess-work and require a lot of flexibility because of my health. But, because I'm in a good mood right now, I'm looking at the positive side of things.
I missed church. A lot. It was good to wear a skirt again. It was good to wear high heels again. It was good to put makeup on again. It was good to look and feel pretty again. My parents, especially my mom, tells me all the time that I look beautiful but my mom also tells me that she thinks I would look beautiful bald. I've never had a boyfriend (and I don't want one, for the record) so I don't dress up for anyone really, I'm just vain and I like to look at myself in the mirror and think "Wow, I look good!" Yes, I know, I'm so vain. I like putting on makeup and dressing in skirts and high heels and that's why I do it. Even when I'm a little dizzy because of my blood pressure or medicine side effects I still wear my high heels because I like to look at them.
I missed the people there too. My assistant pastor and former youth pastor (former for me because I'm no longer in the youth group but he's still the youth pastor) gave me a hug when I walked in and told me how he had been praying that I would be able to go to church today. It encouraged me like nothing else to realize that I was the direct "yes" answer to his prayers. And not just his, but his wife's prayers also and anybody else who was praying. As I have written before, God still would have answered even if I hadn't had been able to go, but it would have been discouraging and I think God knows I've had enough discouragement lately that He gave me a break and showed me that He's still working and using me to encourage others and bring glory to Himself.
I am not living through this nightmare in my life for nothing, I know God has a plan for it and when He shows it to me, in a strange way, it makes it worth it. The trials of getting ready for church, going to church, and coming home very tired and needing to rest were all worth it because I saw how it encouraged someone else.
And it was more than just one someone, actually, it was a lot of someones. I also got to finally meet a new baby that has an incredibly cool name and an extremely bald head making him one of the cutest boys I've ever seen and his mom is planning on bringing him over so I can cuddle with him (insert girly squeal here) I also got to visit with some of my smaller friends that I have missed seeing. The problem with them being smaller is that they grow rapidly so my smaller friends have all gotten a little bigger and more grown up. Even though my hair is drastically shorter and I look a lot different, most of them all still recognized me and one of my favorite little boys made a point to complement my new hair-cut. I love my younger friends! :-)
All that to say... today was pretty awesome!