So, on this day last year my status update said this:
Hesitant about posting this because I don't know if it will happen but I'm planning on going to church tomorrow. I made it last week and I want to go tomorrow if I can. Hoping I feel well enough :-)
It looks like August 21st landed on a Saturday in 2010 and that happened to be the time I was on dialysis and I'm not sure if I knew when/if I was having a transplant or not by then (I'm guessing not. I don't think everything cleared until September.) I was very, very sick and dialysis was awful (plus, my dialysis center had no clue what they were doing with me which only added to my list of Traumatic Events in My Life That I Want to Forget. And no, I'm not still bitter about that, why do you ask? :-p )
The point is, I barely made it to church. I barely went anywhere other than the hospital. Church was just about the only non-hospital outing I could do IF I had enough strength and energy to do it. That, plus it was a pain to try and dress nice with tubes in my shoulder and stomach without a bandage showing around my collar or a funny looking bulge in my side.
Today, I woke up early this morning, (something that almost never happens whether I'm sick or not) I took a quick shower, (I couldn't shower while I had the tube in my shoulder and when I could shower again I would do it in the afternoon so I could take as long as I wanted because I tired super easy) I ate breakfast, (I could hardly eat anything because my stomach was so upset all the time and nothing tasted good) I wore a dress, (without trying to hide any tubes) and I went to church.
And then... I drove myself home. (I'm super proud of this one!)
I didn't even think about whether or not I felt well enough to go to church this morning I just got up and went. I didn't try to gauge how nauseous I was and whether or not I could eat without throwing up I just had a bowl of cereal. I didn't have to try on several different outfits because nothing looked right and I didn't look at myself in the mirror and sigh because of how sick (read: ugly) I looked and felt I just put on a fun, polka-dot dress and twirled in front of the mirror because I felt cute and girly (and no one was watching).
If you would have said to me last year "Kristin, in exactly one year from today, you are going to be an entirely different person and you will be well again." I would have looked at you and laughed before saying something super pessimistic and sad and dramatic like "No, I'm not ever going to be well again, I don't even know what well looks like and I'm never going to change. You can't say that, you don't know, you're just trying to give me hope by saying nice little cliché things and it's NOT WORKING!" (I did actually say something similar to this to someone very close to me who was trying to tell me that things will change, because they always do and I didn't believe her. I do now.)
This was in July of last year so it's close enough. This was another rare day when I made it to church and we snapped this picture because my dad and I wore matching clothes without planning to. And I'm not even gonna say what I think of when I look at this picture....
I took this today with the help of my dirty, smudgy mirror (I need to clean that!) I can see a HUGE difference between the two pictures and I have a very different reaction when I look at this one then the other.
A lot can happen in just one year. Sometimes bad, sometimes good, usually it's a lot of both but in the end... it's all for good, because that's what God promises.
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28