Wednesday, February 9, 2011

I just don't want to.

I really don't want to blog right now. I don't want to write about my kidney again and tell y'all it's working great, my levels are the best they've ever been, the scar is 6-7 inches long down the right side of my stomach and the kidney bulges out of my stomach because my dad's kidney is big inside of a very tiny me. I don't want to tell you that.

I don't want to write about how discouraged I've been lately because of not being as well as I wish I was (or how I was repeatedly told I would be), that I have been having an awful time trying to sleep because my surgeon took me off of Ambien and I have next to no energy to go out anywhere, especially in the mornings like church and going out anywhere completely wears me out but still not enough to sleep soundly at night. I don't want to tell you that.

I don't want to write about how some of my anti-rejections meds have caused sores to develop in my mouth and they've been so painful it's torture to brush and floss my teeth. I've got an oral rinse waiting for pick-up at the pharmacy that should help but until they heal up I get to feel like someone punched me in the mouth a couple of times. I don't want to tell you about that either.

And I especially don't want to tell you that sometimes I don't want God to use me to encourage others (like yourself) when it's at the expense of my own comfort and how my relationship with God is in the "recovery" stage along with everything else in my life is right now. I really don't want to tell you that.

Oh, and I don't even really want to tell you about how I had an evaluation for physical therapy today even though I am looking forward to it, I just wish I didn't have to have physical therapy and was already strong and healthy and well without having to fight so hard for every millimeter of it.

So there you have it. I don't want to ask for prayers because (just right now, it will probably change in five minutes) I don't feel like they'd do any good (even though I know that's false. Key word there is *feel*) and I don't want to thank all of you for still being my friends and still doing the best you can to encourage me and help me and my family through this extremely difficult time in our life because I wish I wasn't in an extremely difficult time. But I am. And I do thank you. 

And if you want something worth reading, I highly recommend this post. It was encouraging to me and I hope it's encouraging to you. 


  1. I have many more "just don't want to" days than I care to admit to. This song has become my new anthem on those days...

    I love you beautiful!!

  2. I wish you enough

  3. Thanks for being real Kristen. I love you, my sister in Christ.... wish I were there to give you a hug right now. I can't imagine how difficult things are and have been for you and your dear family. Still holding you in my prayers and heart....because you are very special to me. :)

    - Melissa F.

  4. Kristi,
    Keep the faith. I love you my great niece! You are a very special young lady, and I am so proud of you.
    Love you,
    Uncle Tim