You name it, I'm feeling it.
I love it and I hate it but I'm glad for it because no matter what thought or emotion is pulsing through me at the moment, I'm feeling it. And I feel alive.
I feel like I've been asleep for the past 20 years of my life and all of a sudden I'm waking up and I'm seeing things for how they really are and I'm feeling things I've never felt before. No, I'm not in love with anyone (I'm still very single and very ok with that) I'm just at a point in my life where everything has changed and I'm starting over.
I don't know how many of you have watched your life shatter into a million pieces before, or watch your carefully crafted plans burn to ashes in front of your eyes, or feel like the rug was pulled out from under your feet and you were left lying there feeling like the air was sucked from your chest but I have.
Just once, but it was exactly what I needed because without that devastating incident in my life that took so much away from me, I never would have become the person that God meant for me to be.
And because of that change that's happened in my life I am thankful for my kidney disease.
You have no idea how hard it is for me to write those words. I never thought I would ever say that I was thankful for the very thing that ruined my life but if my life hadn't been destroyed than I would have missed the life that God had for me instead.
I'm still human though. I still get frustrated over some of the things in my life that are difficult because of my illness and there will always be rejection hanging over my head. That's not fun. I also have some serious emotional issues that I will most likely be spending the rest of my life trying to resolve but that's ok because God's big enough to handle all of our mess and still do something great with us.
I am a work in progress (Philippians 1:6) and life is hard. A lot of things are changing, God is rebuilding, and I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. But I'm ready for it.
And I just wanted to write and tell anyone who is still reading this that when God moves, you better listen. Because something big is happening and I don't want to miss it.