I wish...

Have you ever wished you could go back in time and visit with yourself? Kinda like those movies that show someone meeting up with their future or past selves and fixing mistakes or having do-overs and learning a new lesson. I would just be happy to be able to go back to my 19 year old self and talk with her while she was lying in that hospital bed after just hearing the news that her kidneys had failed and what that was going to mean. 

This was taken in my dialysis corner after I dyed my hair for the first time.

I wish I could have told her that the next year and a half would be the hardest year of her life but that she would come out stronger because of it. That there would be a lot of pain but it wouldn't last forever so just hold on. That awful things were going to happen but she would never be alone.

I wish I could have told her to start dialysis sooner, to be more careful, to try harder to live while hooked to a machine or an I.V. pole. That her dialysis nurse would be difficult to work with and that she would be the youngest person in that dialysis center which kept the staff on their toes. That the side effects of dialysis would be miserable, she would almost pass out one day and she would go straight to the hospital from dialysis another day. That she should have bought more DS games to pass the time. That the dialysis center would be the most depressing place she'd ever been in but that it would give her perspective.

Wish I had told her to wear the mask and care more about her health than the stupid kids that looked at her weird

I wish I could have told her to think kinder thoughts towards the people that cared but didn't know how to show it and instead made her feel like they didn't care. That people don't know what to say or do so instead of possibly doing something wrong, they wouldn't do or say anything at all without knowing that not doing anything was the worst thing they could do. That it was ok to tell people she was tired, or felt bad, or didn't want to talk about her kidneys. That most people had no idea what was happening in her life and wouldn't understand when she tried to explain what she was feeling. That not even her family would know how to support her but that some would do their best and really try.

I wish she would have known that her feelings were normal, that she shouldn't have felt that she couldn't be honest, that she would have worked harder to articulate her feelings instead of clamming up about them. That she should never have been afraid to say how she felt or let herself believe that she was wrong for being scared. That it's tough being tough and it's ok to cry.

Didn't think she'd make it to 20. 

I wish I could have told her that the surgery would not make everything instantly better. That the kidney transplant was not an easy fix to kidney failure. That she would feel worse after the transplant before she felt better. That it would take almost 6 months before she had enough energy to do normal things again. That she needed to avoid large crowds and too much stimulation because she wasn't used to that after spending a year in bed. I wish she would have known that it was ok to take things slow.

I wish I could have warned her that she would get so sick she wouldn't be able to think clearly and that this was normal. I wish I could have hugged her when she felt so sick and hopeless that she wanted to end her own life. I wish I could have helped her make better choices. I wish I could have showed her the before and after pictures of her life to help her hang on when she didn't believe she would ever look pretty (read: not sick) again. 

I wish I could have told her that one day she wouldn't feel ugly and sick but that she would feel more beautiful and healthy than she'd ever felt.

I wish she wouldn't have given up on God so easily. I wish I could have told her to let go of her plans readily because holding onto them would only make her bitter and angry. That she can and will move forward once she lets go of the past and takes the future one step at a time, seeking God's will for each step ahead.

I wish I could have made her believe that one day she would be well again. That she would be able to have fun and visit her friends again. That she would learn how to drive and that she would get a job. I wish she wouldn't stress over college.

I wish she would stop looking over her shoulder towards the past and instead looked ahead and would enjoy the life she has ahead of her.

Things are looking up

Hey y'all!

Just wanted to write and share some of my exciting news with you. I got a call-back from a Retirement Home where I put in an application to work as a waitress during the residents' meals and I had my very first ever job interview today.

Just for your info, using blue ink on your application makes them stand out from the rest. But don't use red or purple or pink or orange, just blue or black. I'm not exactly sure why but those seem to be the only acceptable ink colors for important papers like job applications. I'm definitely keeping blue pens in my purse from now on though.

The Director didn't say I was hired on the spot but he did say he would be calling me next week and it looks very promising. I'm really praying hard that God would give me a job that would be perfect for me and I would love for this to be the answer to that but He knows. For all those that were praying I'd get a job, thank you! Things are definitely looking up for me right now and I'm very grateful for that.

In other news, I'm dressing up as Snow White tomorrow and standing as still as I can for a Living Wax Museum at our local theater. Super excited about that. My costume fits nicely and I've got my makeup all planned out to try to look exactly like the cutesy someday-my-prince-will-come Disney princess. It's going to be a lot of fun, and yes, I will post a picture of me in my costume. :-D

Have a great weekend, y'all!

Back To Life Photoshoot + My Big News

Hey hey! Sorry, It's been a while since I've posted anything. I've been pretty busy (when did that happen, again? I loooove being busy!!!) and I'm trying to do some prioritizing in my life and this blog is one of them. I really want to continue to keep this blog up so I'm going to try to start posting a lot more regularly again. Is there anything y'all specifically want to read about? Essays that I write or more life updates, more pictures or more... whatever? Let me know in the comments :-)

Today me and my sister in law did a photoshoot today and had a ton of fun. She also took photos of me and my car. Yes, you read that right. I bought a car last week! She titled the photo album "Back To Life" and that's pretty much describing how things are for me right now. I'm getting back to life after a year of being out of commission so to speak. The shattered pieces of my life are being put back together and even though I really don't know how it's all gonna look in the end, God does because He's the one who's going to bring beauty from these ashes of my life.

I put in more job applications today and picked up some more to fill out so I'm still looking for a job but I'm excited to start working at whatever job I get and being able to make money so I can put gas in my new car. :-D Ok, so now for some pictures.

It's red. That's one of my favorite colors. It's also the color of my hair, too. :-p 

Peek-a-boo! I see you!

These next shots are from our photoshoot. I have some clip-in extension things which make me really miss my long hair. I'm considering growing it out again. What do you think?

 Not bad for fake hair, huh? 

 

It's the little things. :-)

Mercedes (my sister-in-law) took all these for me today. She has a Facebook page here if you want to check out more of her awesome pictures with me in them (they're under the title "Back To Life" hint, hint) and any of her other pictures. She's really good. :-)

Anyway, I think that's everything for now. Write me in the comments or send me an email here: kristin.worldchanger@gmail.com if you have something you'd like to see more of around here. Anything at all, I'm open to all of your suggestions. I could use some inspiration too, so please don't be shy :-)

I'll write more soon! Have a great weekend, y'all <3

Do you like stories?

I love stories. I love the serious kind of stories that people share about mistakes made and lessons learned. I love the funny kind of stories full of silly people doing crazy things. I occasionally enjoy the scary story about being in precarious circumstances but making it out ok. There are true stories and make believe stories, short stories and long stories, good stories and bad stories and sometimes the story is just ok.

The good stories are the kind that last forever and the kind worth reading over and over again.

I was reading a great story the other day and I wanted to share it with you. It involves miracles, an evil king, a pregnant virgin, a man with vision-like dreams, a group of rich men that follow a star, some stinky shepherds, a crazy Baptist preacher who lives in the wild eating grasshoppers and a baby that would grow up to save the world. Oh and we can't forget the angels. There are lots of angels in this story.

Sounds like a great story, right? That's because it's the greatest story ever written and it's not a fairy-tale, or make-believe, or fiction it's 100% true.

Here's another story. There was a very good man who was trying to live a good life when everybody else around him (except for his family) was being wicked and doing very bad things. He talked to God about it and God told him to build an enormous boat and collect all the animals in the world. When the man and his family and all the animals were safe on the boat, it rained non-stop for over a month and flooded the earth and killed all the bad people.

How about this one? There was a girl who was forced to marry the king (along with many other girls) and she was picked to be the queen. This king was very bad and he was going to kill an entire race of people. He didn't realize that this new queen of his was of that very same race. This girl was very afraid but her uncle told her that she had to talk to the king and try to get him to change her mind. She didn't really have anything to lose so she gathered up her courage, talked to the king and got him to change his mind. It helped being able to point out that the king's right-hand guy was running shady deals behind the kings back.

And of course we can't forget the very first story ever written. The one about how earth was created and the first man, and then the first woman. When everything was perfect and God walked on earth. When there was only one rule and nothing else was off limits. How everything fell apart when that one rule was broken and pain and sin entered the world and things weren't perfect anymore. That without this story then there wouldn't be any others.

They sound like exciting stories don't they? Stories that you would want to read over and over again, and to listen to others tell them, and to tell them to little children. The kind that movies are made about and lessons are learned from.

Then why is it that after we are done with the coloring pages in the church nursery, after we outgrow singing songs in 2nd and 3rd grade Sunday School, after we're too cool for anything by the time we're in 7th grade, after we graduate from highschool and enter the "real world" that we are quick to forget the stories or say that they're only for children.

How many adults do you know who love the movie Tangled about Rapunzel? Beauty and the Beast? How about Snow White or Sleeping Beauty or the classic Cinderella? Those are stories that both kids and adults love and they're mostly or completely not true. Yet, we still love to watch them! Then why are we so quick to dismiss the greatest story of all time (and all the other really great stories) that are not only entirely true but also hold important truths about our life and tells about the great war that is taking place right now with us being caught in the middle?

Well, I just answered my own question right there. Because there's a war going on. That baby I mentioned in the second paragraph of this post? The one that grows up to be a hero? Yeah, that one. He's God's son, Jesus and he saved the world by getting himself killed so that we wouldn't have to die since the human race has broken every single one of God's rules. All we have to do is believe, turn away from our sin, an follow God. And Satan is the enemy who wants us to believe that this is all just a fairytale, a good story for kids but should be thrown out like Santa Claus when we get old enough to "understand".

It's really that simple. It's the greatest, truest, most amazing story out there and it can be found in the Bible. Start in Matthew. Or Genesis. Or Esther. Start anywhere you want and read the stories. The long stories and the short stories. The serious stories and the funny stories. the hard-to-believe stories and the stories they tell to the little kids in Sunday School.

Read them and remember this: You're a part of that story too.

Next time you pick up your Bible, ignore your "good Christian" checklist. You're not a good Christian for reading the Bible everyday if that's all you do with it. You just read it so you can check it off your to-do list for the day and tell your parent, sunday school teacher, or pastor that you read it when they ask. Read it because it's the best story ever. Read it and imagine what it must have really been like to have been told you're pregnant with the son of God, or imagine David killing Goliath with a slingshot, or how disappointing it must have been for Jesus to go to his hometown and have nobody listen to him.

Get excited about this. Write about this. Don't settle for just reading a few chapters every day for "devotions" read just one chapter, or just one story and think about it. Or read several chapters or a whole book and imagine yourself in that story. Change your perspective and it will revolutionize your Bible reading. It did for me. Have fun!

Big decisions + my fun trip in OK

Hey there!
Meant to write this a lot sooner but life has kinda snuck up on me lately and things have been pretty crazy around here.

I can't believe that I've done so much traveling in the past few months, especially this month! Two weeks ago I was in Louisiana for a ladies retreat, last week I was in El Paso giving my big brother one last hug before he deploys to Afghanistan and this week I did a very last minute trip up to Oklahoma (I was in Altus, Yukon, OKCity, El Reno, and Bethany) and was able to stay with my friends, see my sister, spend some time with my grandparents, do a ridiculously fun photoshoot with my friend's younger sister, walk into Walmart wearing a bright green wig, go thrift store shopping to buy cute things, and watch movies eating fun snacks like pickles, brownies and chocolate covered pretzels.

I had a really good time and I wish I could have stayed longer. Mostly because I love my friends and enjoy spending time with them because they are so much fun and so encouraging to me. Partly because I have a lot of big decisions to try to make at home and I wish I could just skip this hard part and go straight on to the after effects of it all but then I would miss out on all this great character stretching-growing-notveryfun-building stuff.

I'm currently looking for a job and I've applied to one already that I really hope I get  but I won't tell you what it is yet until I've got it. I've got other applications too that I'm working on in case I don't get the one that I really want. Health insurance is still up in the air right now and it's very frustrating trying to find something. I have no idea what I'm doing with that and everything looks expensive. I'm also looking at buying a car and I sort of regret getting braces because then I would have more money. Speaking of money, I need a job so I can make money, so I have money, so I can buy things like a car and pay for things like insurance and fancy, new phones and braces.

Blech. And of course, there's the ever-looming question of whether or not I'll be going back to school which is still a possibility and still costs lots of money. :-/

Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.

And since I'm not going to end this post on such a serious note, here's a picture that will make you laugh. Actually, here's three pictures that will make you laugh. This is my photoshoot I did with my favorite little girl in the whole world. And yes, I walked into Walmart looking like that. :-)

Isn't she just the cutest thing ever! Even with pink hair :-)

Ta-daa!

We are too cool for words. :-)

Also, I want to give a quick shout-out to my friend Naomi and point y'all over to her blog here:

emilynaomihbbc.blogspot.com

Naomi is one of my most faithful readers here and I'm so glad I got to meet her in person. She is at Heartland with her sister Emily and they started this blog that I've really enjoyed reading. Naomi is a very sweet friend with a big heart for the Lord and I'm excited to be able to follow along a little while she's at college, learning and growing. Go ahead and take a look! :-)

Let me fill you in

on all the crazy happenings of my life lately. It seems that life wants to either go 100 miles an hour while I try to hold on or it's inching along slowly while I beg to faster. There's a little prayer that I've heard my mom say (especially when we're driving and stuck behind the slowest driver on the planet)

"God, slow me down or speed me up

but always keep me 

right where You want me."

I got a new haircut, color and highlights! Yay. Oh, yes and I got braces too. :-)

Some of the fast things that have been going on lately:

I went to El Paso to see my brother one last time before he deploys to Afghanistan. Please be praying for him, if you think of him and all the other military troops that are still there, about to go there, and those that are coming home. I enjoyed getting to see him and his wife and hang out with them for a while but it did feel like we spent more time in the car than we did with them. Riding in the car is not my preferred method of travel but I did get some good driving practice in. 

.

Then, the very next weekend, I packed up for a Ladies Retreat at the Southland Christian Camp and had really good time with the other women from my church that were able to come as well. I am hooked on the salted caramel hot chocolate from Starbucks and the pumpkin spice latte even though I just had a sip. God showed me some things that needed to change in my life and I've been able to really start working through them instead of just ignoring the problem and pretending it's not as bad as it is (which just makes the problem worse.) As always, I appreciate you prayers for me as I work it out with God's help. :-)

I'm also in the market for a job and looking for new health insurance (which is NOT easy and very expensive, hence the need for a job). Trying to fill our insurance forms and write up my resumé and fill out applications (ok, application. Just one as of now) has been slightly (a lot) overwhelming, at times it's frustrating and sometimes I wonder if my head is going to explode. It hasn't yet and I don't think it will... but it sure feels like my head will explode. 

Because there are never enough gorgeous sunset pictures

Some of the slow things:

My room is really messy, again. Both of those trips left me throwing clothes around as I repacked between weekends plus I got three bags of new clothes from a friend at church and my sis-in-law which have been really fun but I haven't had time to go through them or put them away so they're piled in front of my closet right now. Oh, and I just did laundry yesterday so I have a whole other basket of clothes, plus my suitcase still needs to be unpacked. And my dresser needs to be cleared off and organized. Gives me something to do when I don't want to mess with job applications or insurance stuff :-p

I'm driving! Almost. I've still got a few things my mom wants me to work on but for the most part I'm driving and I was able to go hang out with a friend Sunday afternoon and didn't get home until late. It was really nice to not have to coordinate times with my parents and to be able to leave when I wanted and to drive alone and not get lost because I knew where I was going. It's the little things, people. :-D

There's also my faithful little blog that has been sorely neglected yet again but it's always here ready to take my next impulsive or planned blog post and share my thoughts on everything and yes, I do have some more planned blog posts ahead so LH won't be sitting here empty for weeks at a time. 

Oh, look! A pinecone. :-p

I have stumbled across some really neat, encouraging blogs that I thought I would share with you. I was really inspired by reading them and I hope you are too. They are real stories of real people with real struggles and that's always encouraging to me. Enjoy!

Good Women Project

Deeper Story

Check them out and let me know what you think! Also, I've been getting back into photography and I edited this picture last night for my Facebook and decided to share it with you too as well as the other photos sprinkled throughout this post. :-)

Have a great day y'all!

Long time, no blog

Ok, so I let the blogging slip a little these past couple weeks which is not cool for all of my tens and tens of readers. I did try to think of something to write but I really didn't have anything other than repeats of this post here: And then what?

I'm basically still in the same "holding cycle" if you will and still not exactly sure what my next step will be, although I've got some plans in the works which I'm not going to share just yet because I'm not the one with the Master Plan and I know all too well how plans (very good plans, I might add) can fall apart in a moment so I'm not going to tell you unless I get a little bit more confirmation and see that the doors are wide open (which I'm hoping for!).

But I did just go to the doctor's office yesterday to get a new check-up and I am doing great. Great as in, Lefty is doing his job and functioning like a normal kidney should and my body is not rejecting at all, I was able to go down on my meds a little and the least amount of pills that I have to take the better, plus I'm gaining weight (!!! Finally!!!) which is a very good thing, and my room is the cleanest and most organized it's ever been in my life not counting the room inspection I had to do in school.

Ok, so that last part is just a nice accomplishment on my part and had nothing to do with my appointment but still, I wanted to share because being messy and unorganized is the usual state of my room and now, I could bring someone in and not say something like "pardon the mess over there" or something like that and I will post pictures soon because I want to show off my cool pictures and crocheted creatures and my wrought iron key that I have hanging up on the walls. :-)

So, back to the appointment, the next time I have to go up to OU will be in November which will be my big one year kidney day and then, I think if all continues to go as well as it has been, that I won't have to see the doc every other month but only 3-4 times next year and after three years I'll only see them once a year. :-D

My younger brother looked at a picture of me from over 2 years ago and said "Wow. This was way before you even got sick and you look a lot better now than you did back then and this was during one of your good times."

Way before I even got sick, I was still... sick. I just didn't know how bad. I sometimes wonder if maybe I hadn't eaten all those really salty mushroom and swiss hamburgers from McDonalds that maybe I could have staved off failure for a few more years but that would still have meant not having a fully functioning kidney and now, I have a good kidney that works perfect.

I told my brother that it's amazing what having a good kidney will do for you and then we both just laughed because the evidence of that is obvious every day.

 Photo Credit: Rachel S.